It’s his birthday week. We’ve moved on but he did cross my mind on the day of his birthday. Unlike earlier when I kept having conversations with myself on how I would plan to wish him on his birthday, when the day did come, I didn’t have to think too hard on what I should do or not. It took me a few minutes in fact to decided what I would do. Ignore.
After I closed the door , after his confession, I thought it best to FINALLY move on and let go. And I’ve been at a better place since. So, I only thought it best to close the chapter once and for all, for good. The epilogue had to be written.
Chapter: All things must and do come to an end
She struggled each day but wearily tried to let go and move on. It had been months now, what seemed like years. That day, she left a random message after she saw his display photo with another woman, and a romantic status message. She could have been a friend or a cousin, or his next lover. Was it a coincidence though that after a month or so from that day, that she received a message from him out of the blue at night. He wanted to talk, it seemed. She only responded out of curiosity and not expectation. But he went offline. The next morning she had a long text to read early in the morning, from what seemed like had been written in the wee hours. It read-
“I am sorry for the message..there is something I never told you…You messaged again earlier after a long time and I didn’t reply coz I didn’t wanna lead you on. The truth behind why we broke up was because I was double dating you and ‘A’…I lied to you since day one. And I lied to her too…all the personality and traits that I created around me were all fake. I did this to impress girls… I was already dating ‘A’ when I started dating you…I don’t know why I did it. May be because I was so hell bent on being an asshole that I didn’t care how many lives I destroyed in the way. I am sorry for that. The first time when I told you that my parents were against you, I was lying … ‘A’ wanted me to stop talking with you because she had doubts that I was lying…and so I tried to break it off with you without telling you the truth because I was too much of a pussy to say the truth. But then things changed and again I continued dating you both. But then I fell in love with ‘A’ and wanted to be with her..that is when I started to ignore you and chat less with you and told you I wanna break up, but still didn’t tell you both the truth…although she guessed it. After that me and ‘A’ separated for a while and I again got back to being an asshole and I didn’t tell you the truth and broke up. It was never my mom or dad…I was saying things to break up with you coz I didn’t have the balls to tell you the truth. When I came to see you last year, I had decided to end things with you but again I didn’t and ended up kissing and making out with you.. I am sorry for that… I am a disgusting person. But I was disgusted with myself for doing that and I asked you to leave. ‘A’ found out I was with you. but I lied to her and rushed back to her. After that I told you we can’t be together and made all the stories again…but I knew I had to end it with you for ‘A’ and so that you don’t hurt yourself more..and so we finally separated. I was with ‘A’ since then and was doing everything I could to make her believe that I love her. I told you to move on after you called me on my birthday because I was with ‘A’ and I didn’t want complications with her. You never called me again and I thought good its all over. But then you messaged me again and I purposely didn’t reply to you coz I didn’t wanna create problems with her. Look I am telling you all this coz you should know the kind of asshole I am and may be this will help you get a closure if you haven’t already. Well karma is always there…and ‘A’ found out about the message and birthday call and that I never told you about her and she got very angry that I still lie to her. She doesn’t believe when I say I did stop talking to you coz I deleted your message. …Well today she left me…and never wants to see my face again. Coz I lied to her again. So, I have lost her…the one girl I actually truly fell in love with…and I guess I deserved this. Look I am telling you all this to let you know the kind of guy I am and I wanted to just tell you the truth… If you haven’t yet gotten a closure do so now. Move on…I never loved you. I am sorry but this is the truth. And trust me I am a disgusting person. I lost ‘A’ too…the one girl I really fell for…that I really loved. I lost her. Anyways have a happy life…I am sorry!”
She did not understand what to make of it; whether to respond or ignore. Was he doing this extra storytelling to chase her away or was he really saying the truth? She chose to ignore it until her mind was at a better state to think rationally. In the meanwhile, he called her continuously for a day and half, which she chose to avoid. Then popped another message a day later that read:
“I am blocking you. I am blocking you coz I don’t want this to create any mess in my life anymore…I am with ‘A’ ..I love her and wanna be with her for the rest of my life. You please also move on.”
If not anything, the second message which was the cherry on the cake did in fact help her to make a decision. She decided to forgive herself finally and forget the past. She thought what a juvenile behaviour was this!; she had anyway always thought that his move of removing her from social media was kiddish enough, and now this just proved he was definitely immature for her. In the next few weeks, she tried to make sense of things for the final time, and at times she did wonder if it could really be the truth. What about the times when he sobbed with her? She could remember many instances that he could lie to her, and that made sense. But certain other things still didn’t. Nonetheless, she chose to keep the past in the past now, for now she realised and understood that she needed an emotionally stable man in her life, and not a confused kid. Whether it be the truth or not, his actions which did not prove his chauvinism certainly helped her to move on. If it be the truth, she swore he did not deserve her. If it was just a half-truth and that he had only lied again to get rid of her, she knew he still did not deserve a sincere lover as her. For someone who would desperately create such an interwoven story just to get away from someone was a jerk enough for her anyway and that indicated it was time to run away. When someone stoops so low, then you have to but let go, because now he had disappointed her to such an extent that she longer had any respect for him, forget about love and affection.
She asked for forgiveness for the times she cursed his family in anger. She wondered if they knew any of this. She could have ridiculed him publicly, revealed him to his friends and family, but what good would that serve her. He should know that he never deserved her and feel the regret years later. She hoped, that just as he thought, Karma would get to him some day indeed. That would be enough for a man as him.
She wondered every now and then, what the truth was, but reminded herself that it was no longer worth her time and energy. He had lost her this time. He’s never going to completely leave her. Why, of course it was her first love! He treated her unwisely and for that she hoped that he would pay in his own way. Fate should punish him, not her. She hated to admit it, but she is grateful to him for having come and left, for he proved what men can stand for; he had been a test in her life of trust, patience and emotional well-being. He was an experience that she would live forever with. He gave her that one chapter in life that she otherwise would have always wondered would ever be completed or not. He showed her the different shades of colours including those of black. He gave and took and she understood that that was the way of Life. It was unfortunate that she had had to be the one to undergo the pain and suffering, but she was fortunate that he chose to end her suffering sooner than she could have on her own. For someone who believed in the philosophy of Life, she accepted that the ending was perhaps a sign towards another beginning..
He was a lesson learnt in time.
With a deep breath, and a reminder to herself to all things happen as destined and that it is truly a good thing that this had had to come to an end, she walked out with her head held high, and with a shine in her eyes that had long vanished. She had a lot of other work to do now, and that did not include crying over him anymore.
And that’s how their book ended. Not all stories have a fairy-tale ending, but they do have a happy ending. We just need to look for it, a little more carefully. I thank him nonetheless, for be it the truth or not, I am no longer grieving any more. Peace.
P.S.: The Prologue